For You vs. For Others

I am demotivated with one part of my life.

And when I sought for advice last night, these words of wisdom gave me a nice big slap across my face:

"Not unless you are ready and willing to do something for yourself instead of others"

Then it dawned upon me, the part of my life which I am demotivated about, who have I been doing it for?

It also made me realise how the dancing, the singing, the music, the fervent need to train for the marathon etc albeit difficult, can drive me mad, yet overall makes me happy I had never really complained about. It was because I was doing it for myself, not for anyone in my life. It was a measured choice and if I was unhappy with something (recently I had decided to stop dancing with one teacher), I would simply make a change and move on, not dwelling too much with my choice.

So the words of wisdom said many other things but he also said:

"If you do it for yourself then you will do it best and even be willing to take risk without frustration"

How true. But right now, with that part of my life that I am currently demotivated about, it is making me reassess - who have I been doing it for? And have I forgotten about doing it for me? Now here's a lesson of, "when you change your perspective, you change your world. When you change your perspective, you change how you move in this world."

Whatever it is, I need to get myself out of this!

"Am I Fat?" - by Dayna Macy

I really enjoyed reading this article.

It provides a perspective and an awareness. Now what choice will we make?

[http://www.healyourlife.com/author-dayna-macy/2011/06/lifeshelp/get-healthy/am-i-fat&utm_id=HYLFB]

Am I Fat?

Confessions of a food lover.

Published: June 10, 2011

By Dayna Macy

My ravenous relationship with food.

“Am I fat?”

I’ve never actually asked this question of another human being—until now.

I’m sitting in the office of Dr. Linda Bacon, a nutrition professor in the Biology Department at City College of San Francisco and author of Health at Every Size. I’m here because I embrace the message of her book: don’t wait to live your life, the perfect one you imagine you’ll live one day in your perfect body. Live it now.

“Yes.”

I want to make sure I’ve heard correctly. “You just said I’m fat, right?”

She nods and says again, “Yes.”

I’m silent. My hitherto unspoken weight hierarchy always began with thin, moved on to average, then on to chunky, then on to fat, and then finally obese. I have always put myself in the chunky category, or its kinder, gentler cousin—curvy. But never fat. Fat is another country, far away from where I live.

After a pause she asks, “What does that mean to you?”

“Well, what the f**k does that mean to you?” I counter.

She remains calm. “Fat, you know,” and here she grabs her nonexistent belly fat, “adipose tissue. Fat.”

That’s it? “All you mean by fat is ‘adipose tissue’?”

“Yes,” she says, “that’s all I mean. But I know it’s a loaded term,” she adds.

You might say that.

Dr. Bacon tells me that even though she’s using the word fat in the most clinical sense, the truth is, labels are always arbitrary. One person’s average is another person’s fat is another person’s curvy. So don’t get hung up on the labels.

“So tell me again what you mean by calling me fat?” I ask.

“What I’m saying is you have adipose tissue I might not see on a thinner person.” She pauses, and then adds, “And regardless of any of these labels, you radiate health and vibrancy. I think you’re gorgeous,” she concludes.

I have to hand it to her; in our culture, fat and gorgeous are seldom used together in the same sentence.

Maybe she’s using the word fat clinically, but it still stings. What’s more, she’s right. And I know it.

Couldn’t I just accept this? Be fat and be fine with it? It’s not that I yearn to look like a model. I’m heading toward 50 and I’ve had two children. I just know that at this point, for me, being fat doesn’t feel good. My fat shows up in lots of ways: when I walk up hills and have to take frequent rests, when I need to buy the next size pants because my current ones don’t close.

If I’m going to change, I need to see clearly. Dr. Bacon’s words may cut, but they’re helping me do that.

Excerpted from Ravenous: A Food Lover's Journey from Obsession to Freedom by Dayna Macy. Copyright © 2011 (Hay House).

Dayna Macy’s essays have appeared in Self, Salon, Yoga Journal, and other publications; and in several anthologies. Website DaynaMacy.com

Scale Disclaimer

Today, I met an old colleague while I was withdrawing money from the ATM. After we exchanged our "Helloes" the usual (I am used to hearing this now) statement came - "You have lost weight, what did you do?!" To which I replied, "I just went on a diet." And oddly enough, this was a response I was not expecting, "Why did you do that? I liked you before this!" *Raise one eyebrow moment* I proceeded to explain that I was once 120kg and it was getting a little bit tiring carrying that much weight. She didn't believe me. But that didn't matter. I was just surprised with her response.

I have lately come to not rely on my weighing scale. I have not stepped on it for I think more than 3 weeks, or even possibly a month now. I had realized that looking down at the numbers on the weighing scale didn't make me happy. I used to be happy to see my progress but lately, progress does not come as easily as it used to. Instead it would send me to mad panic of "What did I eat last night that made me put on 2kg?" And then I throw myself back into the food plan in hopes of losing it the next day.

As much as I love the food plan and this sexy body, there had to be another mechanism in which I am not constrained by numbers and that is of course, through subjective feelings! I must say that as long as I feel good and I can accept what I see of myself in the mirror then I would have already succeeded because in the past, I could never accept myself thinking I was not even good enough to step outside the door. I still continue to be conscious of what I eat because there are still so many of my lovely clothes which I would like to continue looking good in but I will tell you that feeling of guilt of eating an "illegal item" has dissipated for now. I feel the need to live a little!

I am just glad for now, I am not obsessed with those numbers on the weighing scale. And I am grateful that I can now accept myself even more for who I am. What a wonderful realization!

Thank you Julia for the wonderful pictures - such great reminders!

The Human Guinea Pig

guinea pig

n.

1. Any of various small, short-eared domesticated rodents of the genus Cavia, having variously colored hair and no visible tail. They are widely kept as pets and often used as experimental animals.

2. Informal A person who is used as a subject for experimentation or research.

 

The first thought that came to my mind after I discovered the possible reason why my legs have been so darn itchy! Ever since I came back from US, my legs have just been incredibly itchy. I scratch to the point where I draw blood. And it just doesn't itch once but sometimes over and over again in the same place. I had wondered if it was either dry skin, insect bites or an allergy to food. I was going to get it checked out eventually by I don't like seeing doctors unless my life depended on it. So I showed Elaine and Elaine says it would be best to check my blood sugar. She shared that markings like that on my legs and it being so itchy could be my blood sugar being on a high and she sees it in a family member of her's whom is diabetic. She suggests I cut back on the sugar.

 

When she told me to cut back on the sugar, my thought was, re-commit to the food plan 110%. No make that 120%. It brought me back to the time when I sat in the doctor's office and him telling me that he would put me on medication for high blood pressure and being overweight certainly didn't help. In my head, I heard myself say, "See I told you so. Why were you even experimenting with food? Why couldn't you just have stuck with the food plan and save yourself all this misery?" So again, it took some sort of scare for me to do something with myself.

 

I felt upset and angry with myself but there is nothing much I could do except make the choice to just get with the programme and go back to doing my best.

 

Photos of my legs - that's enough for me!

 

The Vicious Cycle

Photo: One of my meals while I was on holiday in US last year. Those tacos, I ate EVERYTHING and I helped my friends finish off their food too.

Today, I tried to going back on my phase 1 food plan - strictly. I was doing well so far until I hit lunch time. I had carried my lunch with me to the restaurant where my colleagues were having lunch and there was a basket of bread rolls. I started out by eating only the skin of the bread roll and then I progressed to the soft centre of the bread. I managed not to spread any butter. Then, some minutes later, deep in conversation, I saw there was one bread roll left, I picked it up, ate the skin and then progressed to the soft centre of the bread. By the time I was eating the second bread roll, I had started to feel guilty but I still ate it when I could I have stopped. I guess you could say I chose to eat it.

Then in the afternoon, I bought a packet of salted tapioca chips and ate the whole packet. It was not a very large packet but it's not part of the food plan either. It was really salty and I was questionning myself whether I should continue eating it because it was so salty but that part in my brain where it tells me stop somehow seems to have its wires loose today and for a couple of days, weeks and months now. So I ate the whole packet and felt guilty afterwards.

Truth be told, right now, it seems REALLY HARD to get back on to the food plan! Yes, I am human after all. I have noticed some eating habits which probably existed pre-food plan days. When I eat something, I MUST finish it. The bread roll and the tapioca chips are good examples and I can name you some more situations where this has occurred. I am not sure where this eating habit comes from but this seriously takes a lot of effort to not do it. Only with awareness can it be overcome.

So when you think you have conquered something which for me happens to be a 30+ kg weight loss, that's only half the battle. There is still something deeply embedded inside of me that makes me eat and how I eat it. Until I resolve this and understand where it comes from, I will continue to live in a vicious cycle.

Life in 2011

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Time seriously flies! It is now the 4th day of February of the year 2011. On the last day of January, I had decided to measure myself and referred to my file where I kept all my measurements. It turned out the last time I had measured myself was on 22 February 2010. I felt motivated to use my new measuring tape which I had bough on Amazon. [I will share that with you in my next post. It might be a useful tool if you lived alone or not wanting to rely on anyone to help you with measuring yourself.]

I must say, after a year plus now, my weight has been hovering or yo-yoing around 85, 86, 87 and now recently 88kg. Yes, I have been eating the wrong things. No, I have not been following my food plan strictly when I said I would. [More on that next time round...]

At least though, "something" has gone down even though it's not my weight!

Measurements

22 February 2010 vs 31 January 2011

Weight: 89.4kg vs 88.4kg (loss 1kg)

Hips: 108cm vs 104.1cm (loss 3.9cm)

Thigh: 67cm vs 67cm

Waist: 84cm vs 84cm

Chest: 105.8cm vs 98.2cm (loss 7.6cm)

Arms: 34cm vs 33cm (loss 1cm)

I would say, I have maintained my weight and that I have taken steps to tone my body. It must be all those hip movements in dance! It also goes to show that it's sometimes not just the weight, there are other indicators to show you are progressing to a more healthy body.

I still am not done with this. More to be done! Who is embarking with me on this adventure for 2011?

A Conversation with Mio Ting

I love technology!

I get so much love and support and technology helped Mio Ting and I connect for a couple of minutes to discuss our progress.

I love you Mio Ting!

Here's our conversation over Gmail Chat:

4:00 PM me: hug hug
4:03 PM Ling: Hi dear.......today is the best day ever in our life!!
me: yay!
4:04 PM Ling: How r you?
me: good
:)
Ling: I just completed our CV6 with Nana. It's one of the best CV ever for me
4:05 PM me: great!
Ling: magical! r u going for brunei cv6?
Natalie and Lee will be attending
4:07 PM me: no i will be in jakarta with my parents :)
Ling: How's your progress in your adventure? I restart mine and setting a new goal weight for myself. Monday I breakthrough the weight that I have not see for almost 2 years, yeah!!
4:09 PM I am now at 56.8Kg (I have not see 56 for a long time) and targeting for 54kg as I wanted to see how I look at that weight.
me: i just re-started on monday :)
i was 89.1kg after all the hari raya eating
and then today i was 86.6kg
i am aiming for below 85kg before i go cv grad taiwan
i would like to go for 79.1kg
4:10 PM that would mean 40kg weight loss in total.
and i am curious to know what i look like below 80kg
4:11 PM Ling: Great!!! Give ourselves small target, may be 3kg per week. Another 3 weeks to CV grad Taiwan, that means another 9kg
me: is it really possible to lose 3kg in a week???
wah
Ling: You r truly an inspiration. 3kg is conservative figure.
4:12 PM me: really???
gosh.
ya i just updated my blog today
on how i felt and about what we talked about
phase 1 part 2
4:13 PM Ling: Your monday weight was 89.1kg and today is 86.6kg, that's a lot too
4:15 PM small target.........one step at a time. To me, it's a commitment to myself, just like doing mission possible. I will do MP no matter what because I am committed to capture the story of my life
me: :)
i was beating myself up actually.
for a lot of things.
4:18 PM Ling: Beating ourselves up only make things worse. I choose to accept my imperfection and choose to love myself with giving myself the best i can in food, in energy. I feel that this is the only choice
4:20 PM me: i decided to not pay attention to all those ppl who gone on to phase 2 and focus on my journey :)
no need to compare
4:23 PM Ling: Yeap!! No comparison. Everyone loss weight at different rate and we all grow at different pace too. Comparison is the ego that wanted to be better. You re doing great! Focus and appreciate the kgs that you drop off. That's amazing result........
me: :)
i have been in ego
:(
i realized that.

4:29 PM Ling: I see your commitment, your discipline, your determination, your confident, your inspiration, your unconditional love in the process. Keep going......this is a journey, the intention to have great health. The goal weight is just a guide, focus on the intention to be healthy
4:31 PM me: :)
thanks mio ting.

Re-Commit: Phase 1 Part 2

I have been on a 7 month “holiday” from Phase 1. How do you define a holiday while on this adventure? It means you:

1.       Let loose and have many mad moments OR

2.       Sort of follow the eating plan throughout the week and allow for little “treats” on the side OR

3.       Follow the eating plan Monday to Friday and then when it hits the weekend, you let loose and have many mad moments.

I think mine was a combination of all 3! I became aware I was going through a very familiar pattern of mine which was that of START and STOP. I was struggling to START and when I did START, I then STOPPED not long after, then I had to RE-START and the pattern would go on and on. I admit that when I made the choice to allow myself to eat this and that, I have now found it difficult to really stick to my guns. As a result of the choices I made after Hari Raya, I have put on weight and as of Monday 4 October 2010, my weight came in at 89.1kg.

I admit I went through a period of self-loathing because I was not disciplined as I have been before which was then salvaged with thoughts and reminders of me that I have come so far, how could I not like myself for what I have done? Then I had feelings of fear. I felt fearful about going back to the weight I had started with when I began this adventure. I had fear about being that big, fat girl again who struggled each time she climbed up the stairs or the seat was too small. That was salvaged with reminders from friends that it was up to me to not make that happen again and keep on staying motivated.

On Sunday night, after my last open house for Hari Raya and after a weekend of enjoying delicious food while on a short trip in Kuala Lumpur, I had decided enough was enough. It was time to get serious again. I could visualize me being 10kg lighter but there’s no point visualizing if I didn’t take any action. I am very proud of myself that my decision to re-commit to Phase 1 was not based on fear. It was based on the belief in me that I am capable of achieving my goal and that I deserve this beautiful and healthy body.

Come Monday morning, I was ready once again. I feel so proud of myself for saying NO to the offerings that have come my way. And I feel extremely encouraged now 3 days into my re-commitment my weight has come down from 89.1kg to now 86.6kg. I am back on track!

To all of you out there - my pillars of strength: Thank you once again for the never ending support and encouragement.

Catching Up

I sometimes go to a person's blog and they have one of those entries which says, "I apologise that I have not been updating my blog in awhile... etc etc" I am not making a public apology but I would like to say that there have been so many things that have been worth recording here as part of my adventures which I have not been doing so - especially life after so much weight loss.

I realize that when I don't really want to face something, I usually end up not recording it. As if I'm afraid to face myself. It's the same with how I am meant to write in my journal all my awarenesses, choices and magical, meaningful and memorable moments which I started so enthusiastically after attending CV Grad Thailand in July 2010 but now... it's fallen apart again. That "start-stop" pattern has reappeared! It's the ego at play; what Eckhart Tolle speaks in his books A New Earth and The Power of Now called the "Pain-Body".

When you don't want to capture that moment or awareness, you are stopping yourself from growing (and I don't mean that physically horizontally or veritcally!). You stunt your own development of being an AWESOME person who is more than just your habits, who is more than your mind, who is more than what you preceive yourself to be. With awareness, we make choices and it is in these choices that allow us to SOAR even further than ever before!

You will hear from me soon. We have a lot to catch up on.

Moments of Weakness

I had just returned from a weekend in Kota Kinabalu attending the Kota Kinabalu Toastmasters Club Installation Banquet. It was certainly a fantastic weekend! I stayed at Jasmine's house and her house was BEAUTIFUL! And while staying at Jasmine's, I was really well taken care of. The bed was comfortable, the house was so inviting, everyone was so pleasant and her parents were wonderful hosts! I really felt like I was at home.

I was treated to a delicacy of mouth watering food which was laced with tradition. Everyone was aware I was on a "diet" yet I made the choice to eat the food. And I sampled almost everything! 

Snacks after rehearsals

I felt very full at almost every meal and I am sure now the food is having an effect on this body as I sit here in my room typing this entry. I found out from Mio Ting, it takes 48 hours for the body to eliminate all the toxins we have introduced into our system and as part of the defense mechanism to protect the body's organs, the body will react and respond in ways such as feeling bloated, feeling sleepy, feeling tired, water retention etc... I feel giddy right now and I'm not too sure if that's the result of yummy food which is a few seconds on the lips and the fulfillment of taste buds to 48 hours of having to cleanse the system again or I feel this way because I'm developing a fever.

As I write this particular entry, there was one part of me that actually said, "I had a moment of weakness, where I just had to try everything!" As I heard that voice in my head, I realized that I did not have a moment of weakness. Those were all CHOICES I had made. Just because I made them did not make me a "weak" person. I made those choices. I am not blaming anyone. Statement of fact. Now what goes along with the choices I have had made is, I am responsible for the CONSEQUENCES of my action.

48 hours of a bloated tummy and feeling giddy reminds me I am human and that I am RESPONSIBLE for my own choices.

Sticks & Stones

You can't win. When you're fat and overweight, people will talk. When you've lost lots of weight, people will talk. I have been told recently that I have a new name and it was emphasised that it's actually a compliment because they have seen me go from so big to now a smaller size. If I was to analyse it any further, it does not come close to a compliment! The new name is:

Zana Anorexic

Anorexia is a disease. I do not come close to being in this condition mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually. I think over the years, I have gotten immune to the "fat" names that I guess now I only need to get used to the "skinny" names. I also have come to realise that sometimes when people talk and give names or labels such as these, they do so unconsciously and also their intention may not be necessarily to hurt the person. 

As I was reflecting on this, my ego wanted to go into being self-righteous and explain to them the process I was putting myself through. But I knew that would not resolve anything. What was the point of trying to explain to the many people out there who have passed judgement? So I made the choice to strengthen my resolve that what I am doing is ultimately for MYSELF only. It is not to prove anything to the world. Nor is it to win a popularity or beauty contest. My intention has and always will be on this journey is to be fit and healthy and the weight loss was part and parcel of that process.

So as they say, sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me. Call me what you will as many people have done so in the past. But I will not hold on to that for at least I now KNOW what SUCCESS LOOKS and FEELS like!

I will not lie...

I will not lie.

I have not been doing too well on my adventure. The scale has been fluctuating between 84.x, 85 and 86.x kg. This has been going on for maybe 2 months or so now.

I succumb to moments whereby I eat things which I'm not supposed to eat.

Believe me, guilt and fear settles in quite quickly. I fear about going back to my previous size, not being able to fit into the beautiful dresses that I now can wear and above all, looking like a failure in front of others who now see me as a success. I dwell in the negativity because it makes me feel that I don't have to own the problem and believe that there is something else out there I can blame rather than take responsibility for the consequences of my actions. 

So what do I blame? I blame my hormones. I blame stress. I blame the cold air conditioning in my office. I blame that other people make the food look so good. I blame the food for being placed in front of me the first place. And the list goes on and on...

I had an emotional moment last Saturday. I cried my eyes out. Why did I cry? I cried because I felt like a failure since the scale had not shifted in a long while. And while I knew, I was the one who caused that, my ego didn't want to accept it. 

I spoke to Ley Hian who seemed to understand the turmoil I was going through even though she herself had never had the need to embark on her own weight loss adventure, she has an adventure of her own in terms of her health and life in itself.

Now, rather than asking, "What's wrong with me?" or "Why am I so bad?" I have learned from Ley Hian to now start asking different questions such as "Moving forward, what can I do which is best for me?" or "What can I do which does not involve eating to resolve my emotions?"

I realized that it is time I took responsibility for my actions. I caused the numbers on the weighing scale not to go down. I chose to eat oily potato chips as part of my snacks. I chose to indulge in a little bit here and there thinking that it won't hurt but knowing time and time again, it will. It was all me.

The interesting thing is, when I have this awareness, and I eat those chips with consciousness, it's such a strange feeling. My mind is telling me, "You're actually eating something you're not supposed to eat!" And another part of me answers, "Yes I am. I am responsible for the consequences of the decisions that I make." Does it make things instantly better there and then? Not really. But at least now, I know that there is no one to blame. It is all up to me to make it happen once again.

Asking the right questions can really change your life... 

Moving forward, what do I do now which best serves me?

I am only human...

Everything in my life is interconnected. If I'm feeling down, physiologically it shows. Yesterday's dance class was a total posture nightmare. All I could do was keep slumping my shoulders and having the tendency to look down... Joel kept poking my back to make sure it was up but not long after, it was slumped all over again. Needless to say, I left my class feeling frustrated.

Last night, I read that eating sugar actually slows down your metabolism. No wonder this adventure does not allow eating sugar! The funny thing is, knowing is one thing and doing is another. I was tempted and I succumbed to Rahayu's offering of home made brownies not made with sugar but with apple sauce! Who am I kidding? It's still sugar! I only had one piece but still...

There's so much more going on in my life and other people have reminded me how hard I have been on myself in all aspects and angles. Thank you for the reminder! I need a kick in the butt! And also tatooed on my body that I am only human and things can't be perfect all the time. Trust and have faith out there that everything is meant to be the way it's meant to be...

An Elephant Never Forgets

When I was big (maybe like an elephant?), I never forget how big I am. Now that I am smaller, I forget how big I used to be and I don't appreciate how small I've become. I'm no longer an elephant, perhaps that is why there is the memory loss? 

I had an interesting conversation with Ley Hian this evening about work and my life and I can relate it to this adventure. For the past 4 months in 2010, my life has been action, action, action. At work there's certainly a lot of action - some exciting, some a bit dramatic and some just that need to be done. In my spare time - there's clarinet, dance, singing, Toastmasters and loving being in my room. In relationships - there's building it with my parents, my friends, my colleagues, my Toastmasters and so on. In health - there's the adventure! In her eyes, she sees me do so much and achieve so much in such a short span of time. Isn't it about time I stop judging myself and appreciate my life and my accomplishments thus far?

It's not about a question of vanity, pride or ego. It's all about acknowledging that WE have achieved so much and that if we don't take the time to appreciate ourselves, who will do it? No matter how much someone else says it, how great you are, how good you've been doing, etc, if we don't appreciate ourselves, all their words will never ever be enough. It takes ourselves to fill our hearts and that love tank that we possess and to keep on replenishing who we are and how capable we are in achieving our dreams.

I am no longer an elephant so I do have slightly short term memory but this entry is going to help me remind me of how far I have come and that I appreciate myself for not giving up despite the weight going down slower than before. Who can really say, "hey, I lost 34kg in 8 months!"? Apart from some other adventurers, I DEFINITELY CAN!

Hey Skinny!

It was my second week of yoga and I was waiting for the session to start. I lay down on the mat, just breathing with my eyes shut and I was about to drift off to sleep when Aunty May suddenly said, "Hey Skinny!" Without thinking, I opened my eyes and I said, "Yes?"

Aunty May said, "Wah so good! You actually responded!"

At that moment, I was like "Wow! I actually responded to her statement!" 

Why is this simple remark and response so important? It is because all this time, my self-talk has been telling me that I'm still big, there are still some parts that could do with some shrinking and that I would not describe myself as slim, let alone skinny. 

There are actually many facets of how I can take this realization but I will share only one, the negative self-talk has to stop! I have done really well so far, and I am constantly reminded by my wonderful friends how far I have come. Outwardly, I am taking steps in loving myself through being more mindful about the food I eat and how much I eat but this has not matched with what is going internally - namely my thoughts and the conversation that goes on inside my head that I have with myself. I am beginning to now see how my negative internal self-talk of late is affecting me on this adventure so far.

This is a GREAT realization for me! And you are here to witness it!

Each day, I choose to affirm and believe one positive statement about myself.

The Fashion Show

I have a confession to make. Most nights in my room as an intermission from what I am doing or getting myself geared up to do something, I have been trying on clothes! It's my own mini fashion show for me and me only. I try several outfits on and look at myself in the mirror! It's not a case of vanity. More of a case of admiration and appreciation that I can fit into these beautiful outfits - some new and some from my past. I still amaze myself each time when I think I can't wear something or carry it off, it looks good on me!

I bought 2 more dresses today from Betty's shop - Cinnabar in Kiulap. I just need to figure out what to wear it with and when to wear it!

Who's That Girl?

I decided from a few weeks ago that for each 10kg I lose, I would go for a photo shoot to treat myself so that I would have a pictoral record of my progress. 

I went for a photo shoot at Pictureworkz and the photographer was my colleague Jeff. My sidekicks that night was Moore who did my hair and Andre who did my make up. I actually had no idea what to expect. I felt I was in more "control" in my previous photo shoot and this time I chose to trust Moore and Andre in doing their magic.

The result? A totally different looking Zana! For the past few weeks I am having trouble in accepting this smaller me, so it was a little bit hard to comprehend ME through all the hair and make up! Plus, I'm still very critical of my body - the jiggly arms, the tummy that still has some rolls and the chin that seems to protrude. I must learn to accept what and who I see in the mirror! I am going to live with me for the rest of my life!

I don't have the full set of photos yet from Jeff but he did tag two photos of me on Facebook. And here's me modeling a suitcase! You be the judge - how do I look? [Click on the photo to see the high res image]

At the end of the day...

... it's not about how much weight I have lost but how much life I have gained...

Weight Loss Goals for Adventurers

 I got this from the Notes posted by Joseph on Facebook and I thought I would do one for weight loss.

TEACHING GOALS FOR MY STUDENTS - 
Quoted from Antonia M Rogers, Music Teacher (Flute) from Texas USA

Every teacher emphasizes different aspects of learning. After many years of teaching, I have identified the skills I believe are the most important in developing students who are technically proficient, love playing the flute, and embrace music in their lives. Some of these skills are measurable, others are not. I have achieved my goals when students: 

• Are successful musicians, not just flute players. 
• Play using proper technique with a beautiful tone. 
• Play musically and know how to phrase, where to breathe, and how to express the composer’s intentions and their own emotions through their playing. 
• Play a wide variety of solo and ensemble repertoire. 
• Become their own teacher by applying the basics of music theory and technique, solving their own technique problems, and learning to make choices. Students will not only perform certain pieces well, they will understand them and know how to practice the steps needed to perfect them. 
• Set personal, technical, and performance goals, and work toward becoming the best musician they can possibly be. 
• Enjoy their lessons and the benefits of personal relationships forged through music.
• Include music as a joyful part of their lives. They incorporate music into their lives by listening to classical music on the radio and on CDs, attending concerts, becoming passionate about their favorite pieces, sharing music with friends, playing in ensembles, and being eager to perform. My greatest wish is that their joy for music will infuse the rest of their lives. 
• Apply music skills such as goal setting and perseverance to other aspects of their lives, leading them to be more confident, happier people with a greater ability to succeed in other areas of their lives. True self-confidence is achieved through attempting important goals, overcoming challenges, and achieving goals. 

WEIGHT LOSS GOALS FOR ADVENTURERS -

Created by Rozana Yunos, Weight Loss Adventurer since September 2009

Every person has their reasons for embarking on a weight loss programme. Even though the ultimate goal suggest that weight loss is the most important aspect, there are other areas in which we know we have achieved our goal. Some are measurable and some are not. The most important thing is you accept the success and be proud of  yourself for the steps you are taking to create a healthier you!

 

I have achieved my goals when:

1. The clothes that I owned 10 years ago can now fit me!

2. I look in the mirror, I like and appreciate what I see.

3. My body measurements are reducing each week even though the weighing scale has not moved.

4. I enjoy simple food with fresh flavours and it doesn't have to be complicated in its preparation.

5. I can live without processed food.

6. I don't overeat and don't feel the need to eat more than what my body can take.

7. I can wear the dresses sold in shops and don't have to look for size XXL.

8. I can say NO to chocolate, ice cream and other sweet treats!

9. I look at food I used to eat and say "I can't believe I used to eat that!"

10. I feel light on my feet and dancing is so much easier!

11. I feel I have more energy, don't huff and puff when I go upstairs and can walk really fast.

12. I say, "I'm so glad I started this adventure!"

 

There's more...! How do you know when YOU have achieved your goals?

The Blurred Line

I have completed 6 months into this adventure! I have never stuck to something for so long in my entire life and I put that in the context of things related to my health. Apart from the weight loss, this too is something to be proud of!

And the line between "adventure" and "way of life" is starting to blur. Not sure if that is a good or bad thing. Either way, it's all a matter of perspective. All I know is, after conversations with Adib who is on his own adventure following a programme which works for him, we are not always perpetually on a "weight loss" programme. At the end of the day, it's all a HEALTH GAIN! And living the healthy life I'm living makes me feel good about myself!