Photo: One of my meals while I was on holiday in US last year. Those tacos, I ate EVERYTHING and I helped my friends finish off their food too.
Today, I tried to going back on my phase 1 food plan - strictly. I was doing well so far until I hit lunch time. I had carried my lunch with me to the restaurant where my colleagues were having lunch and there was a basket of bread rolls. I started out by eating only the skin of the bread roll and then I progressed to the soft centre of the bread. I managed not to spread any butter. Then, some minutes later, deep in conversation, I saw there was one bread roll left, I picked it up, ate the skin and then progressed to the soft centre of the bread. By the time I was eating the second bread roll, I had started to feel guilty but I still ate it when I could I have stopped. I guess you could say I chose to eat it.
Then in the afternoon, I bought a packet of salted tapioca chips and ate the whole packet. It was not a very large packet but it's not part of the food plan either. It was really salty and I was questionning myself whether I should continue eating it because it was so salty but that part in my brain where it tells me stop somehow seems to have its wires loose today and for a couple of days, weeks and months now. So I ate the whole packet and felt guilty afterwards.
Truth be told, right now, it seems REALLY HARD to get back on to the food plan! Yes, I am human after all. I have noticed some eating habits which probably existed pre-food plan days. When I eat something, I MUST finish it. The bread roll and the tapioca chips are good examples and I can name you some more situations where this has occurred. I am not sure where this eating habit comes from but this seriously takes a lot of effort to not do it. Only with awareness can it be overcome.
So when you think you have conquered something which for me happens to be a 30+ kg weight loss, that's only half the battle. There is still something deeply embedded inside of me that makes me eat and how I eat it. Until I resolve this and understand where it comes from, I will continue to live in a vicious cycle.
I must congratulate you for maintaining some semblance of self sanity in your quest for a reasonable self imposed weight target. One of the mental illusions we live with is thinking we want the answer when we egoistically don't. Probable reason is the truth is too scary to contemplate and yet most likely not scary at all. Its also probably very simple and staring us in the face. But the simplicity itself hides it from us as we unconsciously look past it, like looking at a forest of green and not seeing the individual trees. The thing is once you know the truth how do you deal with it?
ReplyDeleteRozana, congratulation! you have lost 30+kg. Enjoy the appearance of our conciousness vs unconciousness within ourself, it is such a life. You will gain stronger consiousness after confronting your egotic unconciousness. Enjoy the process you embark.
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