Recognition

In May, a big group of us from Brunei went to the District 51 Toastmasters Annual Convention that was held in Miri, Malaysia. I have been to a number of Toastmasters conventions over the past number of years I have been a Toastmaster and the best part about attending these conventions consistently is meeting the same people at least twice, three and even four times a year! Even though the conversations are mostly brief, at least there is that moment of connection and because we are there for the same reasons, at least on the surface level, as Toastmasters we all unite together and are one big family.

I made my “appearance” on Friday night for the Welcome Night. I sat at the back of the hall with my Mummy and wandered around looking for familiar Toastmasters. Needless to say, most of them COULD NOT recognize me and had to do a double take! The obvious changes were that I was wearing contact lenses and I was not wearing my tudung (headscarf). I got complimented left and right to which I can only graciously say thank you to their sincere comments. It was a lot of fun having people “guess” who I was and most of them recognized me only when I spoke.

I sat down in front of Gerald Green, DTM, the man who made Toastmasters happen in our part of the world and he almost fell of his chair when I “re-introduced” myself! I was honoured because he introduced me to the VIP table and I got to meet the past International President Johnny Uyy!

The next day, Papa Gerald (as they fondly call him) delivered a keynote speech and I had the shock of my life when he asked me to stand! He described, “This girl last year, I could not put my arms around her, but last night after I met her, I was so shocked to see how much she has slimmed down. Rozana where are you?” I shrank in my chair before people started pointing in my direction and I stood up in a room which was occupied by 500 people! I honestly didn’t know how to feel. I didn’t feel proud of my achievement. I felt embarrassed!

What I didn’t know there and then was that my Mummy starting crying until she told me after the convention. She said for her, she felt so proud for me to be recognized in front of such a large crowd to acknowledge how hard I have worked to get to where I was. After knowing this, I didn’t realize how much an impact I have really made and how anyone can be an inspiration because in this world we are all looking to be inspired, to find that spark that makes it all worthwhile in our endeavours to create our better selves.

The “before” and “after” photo below is a testament to being an inspiration. Siti Intan, a good friend and work colleague began her own weight loss adventure by making simple changes to her diet and she has successfully lost 15kg! It proves to show with determination and discipline ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE! We are all beacons of light continuously leading others out of the darkness and into the realm of possibility.

Me, Papa Gerald Green & Siti Intan - Kuching, April 2009

 

Ley Hian, Me & Siti Intan - Miri, May 2010

 

Congratulations Siti Intan on your achievement!

You are my inspiration as much as I am yours!

 

My Date with Mio Ting

Mio Ting was in Brunei a few months ago in July to pay a visit and I took the opportunity to have a date with her. Apparently after 4 years of knowing each other, we never have had our personal time together where it's just the two of us! I really enjoyed our very long lunch together where it just so happened all my afternoon music classes got cancelled!

I shared with her how I would like to go on to phase 2 but at the same time I was feeling guilty that I was not doing so well on phase 1 of the programme. I think in some sense, now on hindsight, I was beating myself up for the fact that I was not as disciplined as before. I was judging myself because I was afraid other people would judge me that I was once their source of inspiration and because I have faltered, does that mean I would be more a disappointment than an inspiration?

Even though those thoughts during those few hours were not verbalised, I really appreciated Mio Ting's input on helping me understand the importance of following the food plan that has been set and how it is there to really help me provided I would want to help myself. I looked back at my notebook and these are some of the things she shared with me:

If I love myself, I would not feed myself with something that would hurt me. Very often we think that this is the way we love ourselves, by "indulging" in the things that hurt us. It will take 48 hours for the poison in our body to subside. This poison is how we react to the food and the reaction is a result of our body trying to protect our organs. For me, how it shows up is sudden sleepiness, feeling bloated and of course, no weight loss.

And this line, really got me the most...

It's not that you can't do it (i.e. not that I can't lose another 10, 15 or 20kg), it's whether I want to do it or not.

As Linda Chandler had said before, "If you can't, you won't and if you can, you will."

So I am grateful I had that time with her and how the message is coming back to me now this very day. I am making certain resolutions. And I know I've said it before, but the resolve is coming back and I'm really meaning it this time. I'm going to go that extra mile and I know I CAN do it because I CHOOSE to do it!

Here's a "before" and "after" photo of Mio Ting and I. Please take note in the "before" photo, Mio Ting had already started her adventure and at that point in time I had not yet. I recall that time in Cambodia where I signed the application form and now look at me in the "after" photo after we had our date! I am just so amazed with myself and how my life has changed thanks to me making the choice to embark on this adventure!

Mio Ting & Zana - Cambodia, July 2009

Mio Ting & Zana - Brunei, July 2010
(one year later!)

Catching Up

I sometimes go to a person's blog and they have one of those entries which says, "I apologise that I have not been updating my blog in awhile... etc etc" I am not making a public apology but I would like to say that there have been so many things that have been worth recording here as part of my adventures which I have not been doing so - especially life after so much weight loss.

I realize that when I don't really want to face something, I usually end up not recording it. As if I'm afraid to face myself. It's the same with how I am meant to write in my journal all my awarenesses, choices and magical, meaningful and memorable moments which I started so enthusiastically after attending CV Grad Thailand in July 2010 but now... it's fallen apart again. That "start-stop" pattern has reappeared! It's the ego at play; what Eckhart Tolle speaks in his books A New Earth and The Power of Now called the "Pain-Body".

When you don't want to capture that moment or awareness, you are stopping yourself from growing (and I don't mean that physically horizontally or veritcally!). You stunt your own development of being an AWESOME person who is more than just your habits, who is more than your mind, who is more than what you preceive yourself to be. With awareness, we make choices and it is in these choices that allow us to SOAR even further than ever before!

You will hear from me soon. We have a lot to catch up on.