Thursday, 26 May 2011

Scale Disclaimer

Today, I met an old colleague while I was withdrawing money from the ATM. After we exchanged our "Helloes" the usual (I am used to hearing this now) statement came - "You have lost weight, what did you do?!" To which I replied, "I just went on a diet." And oddly enough, this was a response I was not expecting, "Why did you do that? I liked you before this!" *Raise one eyebrow moment* I proceeded to explain that I was once 120kg and it was getting a little bit tiring carrying that much weight. She didn't believe me. But that didn't matter. I was just surprised with her response.

I have lately come to not rely on my weighing scale. I have not stepped on it for I think more than 3 weeks, or even possibly a month now. I had realized that looking down at the numbers on the weighing scale didn't make me happy. I used to be happy to see my progress but lately, progress does not come as easily as it used to. Instead it would send me to mad panic of "What did I eat last night that made me put on 2kg?" And then I throw myself back into the food plan in hopes of losing it the next day.

As much as I love the food plan and this sexy body, there had to be another mechanism in which I am not constrained by numbers and that is of course, through subjective feelings! I must say that as long as I feel good and I can accept what I see of myself in the mirror then I would have already succeeded because in the past, I could never accept myself thinking I was not even good enough to step outside the door. I still continue to be conscious of what I eat because there are still so many of my lovely clothes which I would like to continue looking good in but I will tell you that feeling of guilt of eating an "illegal item" has dissipated for now. I feel the need to live a little!

I am just glad for now, I am not obsessed with those numbers on the weighing scale. And I am grateful that I can now accept myself even more for who I am. What a wonderful realization!

Thank you Julia for the wonderful pictures - such great reminders!

3 comments:

  1. Assalamualaikum Rozana,
    I came across your entry and to tell you the truth i found it to be very interesting. Your adventure in losing weight motivates me. I've been trying to lose weight since mmmm...tak ingat sejak bila...not all is a failure. But none remain.I'm 80kg which is considered as Obese 1 with height of 1.61m. My ideal weight is 60kg. That's like 20kg to lose. Oh my!
    Anyway congrats pasal u manage to lose weight and good luck in losing more but in a healthy way. Keep it up.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Waalaikumsalam Ezan,
    I have been trying to lose weight since forever. I had moments of success and some not as successful as what I have achieved with the programme I signed up for. I am grateful that I didn't give up and had that spur of determination! One of the secrets to success is those who are around you. I had so many people supporting me on my mission and made sure that I stayed on track. And now, all I can keep doing is my best :-) If I can do it, you can do it too!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Waalaikumsalam Ezan,
    I have been trying to lose weight since forever. I had moments of success and some not as successful as what I have achieved with the programme I signed up for. I am grateful that I didn't give up and had that spur of determination! One of the secrets to success is those who are around you. I had so many people supporting me on my mission and made sure that I stayed on track. And now, all I can keep doing is my best :-) If I can do it, you can do it too!

    ReplyDelete