What have you done for yourself lately?

I was speaking to one of the adventurers today and she said to me that her husband is really proud of her for choosing to go on this adventure. It's not so much about the actual weight loss but it's more of acknowledging that she is doing something for herself and it's something really good for her too.

She is a full time mum, wife, daughter, sister and employee (and other roles). A person can get so caught up fulfilling all these roles that the one person they least pay attention to is themselves! The people in your life are important, definitely! But you are just as important too!

I recall a conversation I had with a close relative of mine. I was encouraging her to go on this adventure but she said that things at work are just too much and she wouldn't be able to cope. Work will always be there and you take care of your work but will your work take care of you? If you are not well, you will not be able to do your work. If you are not well, you will not be able to be the best of mums. If you are not well, you will not be able to take care of your husband. And so on and so forth...

Will you do something for yourself one of these days? A small step can go a long way. It's about acknowledging the greatness and the potential that you possess. I got this quote from Linda:

"Do not fail yourself by failing to act on the greatness in you. 

Learn to live a heroic life!"

And you will be able to do so much more for yourself and for others!

The Light

I actually posted an album of the photo shoot I did on Facebook and it's only open to my friends. I am overwhelmed with the response I have received!

I will share some photos here soon. And it's really weird, I started questioning myself why did I do such a thing? What was I trying to prove? What was my intention? Am I setting myself up for failure by sharing to the world this is what I have achieved and so let's see how far I'll make it? 

So I text Clovis and he said, "No you're not setting yourself up for failure. You are looking to go to the higher, next level of self. Just need getting used to. You are doing great. Just BE and stop thinking. Hugs"

And he followed up with a phone call today (so sweet!) He said, not to be afraid of "the light" within me. The pain-body (please read Eckhart Tolle "A New Earth" to understand this concept) would like for me to continue being in pain and therefore, doing it's best to convince me that losing weight is not a good thing. Somewhere in my psyche has told me over the years I have been growing up that there is a benefit to being overweight. Something had triggered the eating, the weight gain and that it is important to identify what was the trigger so that I can acknowledge it and then let it go. He also mentioned that in this position, it is important to practice affirmations so that I condition my mind to accept what I see in the mirror. 

I must admit, while he was saying all this to me, I felt really uncomfortable but I knew what he was trying to tell me. It wasn't really me that was feeling uncomfortable, it was just my ego - Ms. Pain-Body. I totally understand what I need to go through. And in order for me to accept "the light" in totality of who I am, then this is the process.

By sheer coincidence, the Universe was obviously trying to drive this message into me. I received a phone call from Lee all the way from Kuching. And I repeated to him how I felt and actually I felt like crying. Weird. It's as if I'm denying myself from feeling good about myself. He said the same thing Clovis said, "Don't be afraid of the light..."

So I felt inspired to dig out one of Linda's favourite poems by Marianne Williamson which is a GREAT reminder for me to accept "the light" that radiates so brightly from within me and to acknowledge this is who I am and who I deserve to be!

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. 

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. 

It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. 

We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? 

Actually, who are you not to be? 

You are a child of God. 

Your playing small does not serve the world. 

There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. 

We are all meant to shine, as children do. 

We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.

 It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. 

And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. 

As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

This inspiring quote by Marianne Williamson is from her book, A Return To Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles, Harper Collins, 1992. From Chapter 7, Section 3 (Pg. 190-191).

The Journey With No Destination

I had actually wanted to save this cartoon until the day I reached my target weight but now my perspective has changed. Read on...

Today Ley Hian pointed out that I am on a journey with no destination. And in fact, we are all on some journey without a destination. You might think this seems odd... but I understand her perspective.

When I started this adventure, all I ever focused on was losing that 40-50-60kg because all I ever cared about was seeing results and see the numbers on the scale moving down. But Ley Hian asked me, "After you reach your target weight, then what?" To which I replied, "Well I move on to phase 2." 

And then what happens after phase 2? There's phase 3. Then what happens after phase 3? There's the rest of your life.

So come to think of it, even though you have this target weight to achieve, you still have to keep on going no matter what - to continue to eat healthily and to live a healthy life and that your physical temple that houses your soul and spirit i.e. your body is healthy too.

It dawned upon me that there's actually no "end" in sight. And that's when the concept of "goals" is short lived. You achieve one goal and then what? You go ahead make another goal and achieve that one. And then what? Well, here comes another goal and then achieve towards it. You never stop!

What life then do you lead if your goals are never ending? An exciting one I would say! There's nothing wrong with goals but we must remember that there is a HIGHER intention why we do what we do. And this is a great reminder for me, over and over again the underlying reason I embarked on this adventure. My intention is to be healthy - my body, my heart, my mind and my soul. In this process of fulfilling this intention, I set small goals to be achieved, milestones to make sure I am on the right track. But now I know that I do not have a destination. Some people may view this negatively if I have not been able to express this clearly but my perspective is that, even though there is no destination, it's up to me to make the journey an exciting one because this is the life I deserve to lead.

Does it feel "Shri" to you?

Photo Insert: Courtesy of Asia One

I attended a yoga workshop today by Jac Fang and she shared with us Anusara yoga which she had learned from her immersion in Bali not too long ago. I really enjoy having Jac as my (if possession was ever at all possible!) yoga teacher because she has helped me believe in my body's capabilities and I will be one of those who will burn that myth into the ground about fat people not being flexible. Your flexibility as I discovered has nothing to do with your shape or size. I am pretty flexible that I can touch the ground with my hands and it will not hurt the back of my legs as I stretch bending forward.

For me, yoga is a practice whereby it helps raise awareness to our bodies. Every single move and pose in which we position our bodies into has a purpose. Just as every type of food we eat has a purpose too and being on this programme helps bring awareness to your body and what you put inside to fuel it.

What I discovered in today's workshop was how to engage our muscles fully in order to completely experience how powerful the body really is. I could feel my muscles really working its best and although it felt awkward in the beginning in doing some of the moves, I could see improvements in the way I did lunges, the plank, downward dog and also the cobra pose. Even standing up with my arms stretched up to the sky felt different today. It was as if I was truly surrendering myself to what the universe has to offer. And I always remember that in life, we must embrace the good and the bad for how we can appreciate the good if we do not know what the bad feels like or looks like. Engaging the muscles I relate to engaging ourselves in the life that we have. Life is so short to let it slip past us and for us to dwell in thoughts that do not serve us.

What I learned was an important question. "Does it feel 'shri' to you?" Meaning - does it feel comfortable to you? Does it feel good for you? All this time, when I have done yoga I have always wanted to achieve "perfection" but really how do you define perfection and who's definition do you have in the first place? When Jac asked the question, does it feel 'shri' to you? I thought, I do not have to "force" my body into positions in which I am uncomfortable or that my mind tells me that I am less than. It is about doing what is best for me without judgement and comparison to others and making sure I enjoy the process as I go along. After all, life is meant to be made up of discoveries!

I link this to the weight loss adventure I am currently on. I ask myself, does it feel 'shri' for me? And so far, after a week into it, I would give a resounding YES! I feel a lot lighter, some of my clothes are not as tight as before and even though it is the fasting month, I do have a good level of energy in the morning. I really am beginning to feel the 'shri-ness' of doing this. And while I smell food on the dinner table of things I cannot eat (I will literally pick up the bowl and bring it to my nose!) and comment that they look really tasty, I do not regret embarking on this adventure at all!

Just as with yoga, everything that we do requires constant practice and always remembering to take action. So I hope in the next few days to engage my muscles in the privacy of my own bedroom and feel how 'shri' it is doing these poses. I take comfort in knowing that I am taking steps everyday to create a better body and a better life for me.

Thank you Jac for today's workshop. And thank you for always being a caring, compassionate, passionate and empowering teacher.

Life IS an adventure!

After our usual weekly Brunei Speakers' Club meeting, Josephine, Liz and myself decided to head to Cheezebox to catch up. The original intention was to help Jos with her upcoming speech. And I sat there thinking, life is not about just "weight loss", even having an adventure in weight loss means you still have to lead your life and life is full of adventures regardless of what you do!

It relates to the cartoon here (a BIG thank you to Randy for allowing me the rights to use his cartoons at a very reasonable fee) that you can be thin but still be unhappy. I then ask, what makes life meaningful for me at the end of the day? Don't get me wrong, I still am choosing to do this programme but I must remember not to be obsessed by it and that there is still a wonderful life to lead and surrounded by great people.

The goal would be to achieve weight loss (yet to be revealed!) and the intention is to be healthy so as to lead a long life that is full of meaning and joy!

And what makes my life meaningful? When I am able to do the things I love and make a big difference to myself and others with all the talents that God has given me. And there's so much to explore out there and so much potential to tap into.

I only ate half of what was on my plate just now so even though the meal plan has not arrived yet (I hope it arrives soon!), it's time to start making choices that will help get me started in that direction. 

5 Golden Rules for Finding Your Life Partner

My friend Amy passed this on to me when she was doing some spring cleaning. I thought it’s very appropriate for what’s going through my head right now. And it has also reminded me to not live an illusion that love will certainly be the end all in a relationship. There’s so much more in making a relationship work.

 
5 Golden Rules for Finding Your Life Partner

By Rabbi Dov Heller, M.A.

A relationship coach lays out his 5 golden rules for evaluating the prospects of long-term success. When it comes to making the decision about choosing a life partner, no one wants to make a mistake. Yet, with a divorce rate of close to 50 percent, it appears that many are making serious mistakes in their approach to finding Mr / Ms Right!

If you ask most couples who are engaged why they’re getting married, they’ll say: “We’re in love.” I believe is the #1 mistake people make when they date. Choosing a life partner should never be based on love (alone). Though this may sound not politically correct, there’s a profound truth here. Love (alone) is not the basis for getting married. Rather, love is the result of a good marriage. When the other ingredients are right, then the love will come. Let me say it again: You can’t build a lifetime relationship on love alone. You need a lot more. Here are five questions you must ask yourself if you’re serious about finding and keeping a life partner.

Question #1: Do we share a common life purpose?

Why is this so important? Let me put it this way: If you’re married for 20 or 30 years, that’s a long time to live with someone. What do you plan to do with each other all that time? Travel, eat and jog together? You need to share something deeper and more meaningful. You need a common life purpose. Two things can happen in a marriage. You can grow together, or you can grow apart. 50 percent of the people out there are growing apart. To make a marriage work, you need to know what you want out of life – bottom line – and marry someone who wants the same thing.

Question #2: Do I feel safe expressing my feelings and thoughts with this person?

This question goes to the core of the quality of your relationship. Feeling safe means you can communicate openly with this person. The basis of having good communication is trust – i.e. trust that I won’t get “punished” or hurt for expressing my honest thoughts and feelings. A colleague of mine defines an abusive person as someone with whom you feel afraid to express your thoughts and feelings. Be honest with yourself on this one. Make sure you feel emotionally safe with the person you plan to marry.

Question #3: Is he/she a mensch?

A mensch is someone who is refined and sensitive person. How can you test? Here are some suggestions:

Do they work on personal growth on a regular basis?

Are they serious about improving themselves?

A teacher of mine defines a good person as “someone who is always thriving to be good and do the right thing.” So ask your significant other: What do they do with their time? Is this person materialistic? Usually a materialistic person is not someone whose top priority is character refinement.

There are essentially two types of people in the world: People who are dedicated to personal growth and people who are dedicated to seeking comfort. Someone whose goal in life is to be comfortable will put personal comfort ahead of doing the right thing. You need to know that before walking down the aisle.

Question #4: How does he/she treat other people?

The one most important thing that makes any relationship work is the ability to give. By giving, we mean the ability to give another person pleasure. Ask: Is this someone who enjoys giving pleasure to others or are they wrapped up in themselves and self-absorbed? To measure this, think about the following: How do they treat people whom they do not have to be nice to, such as waiters, bus boy, taxi drivers, etc. How do they treat parents and siblings? Do they have gratitude and appreciation? Do they show respect?

If they don’t have gratitude for the people who given them everything, you cannot expect that they’ll have gratitude for you – who can’t do nearly as much for them!

Do they gossip and speak badly about others? Someone who gossips cannot be someone who loves others. You can be sure that someone who treats others poorly will eventually treat you poorly as well.

Question #5: Is there anything I’m hoping to change about this person after we’re married?

Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone with the intention of trying to “improve” them after they’re married. As a colleague of mine puts it, “You can probably expect someone to change after marriage… for the worse!” If you cannot fully accept this person the way they are now, then you are not ready to marry them.

In conclusion, dating doesn’t have to be difficult and treacherous. The key is to try leading a little more with your head and less with your heart. It pays to be as objective as possible when you are dating, to be sure to ask questions that will help you get to the key issues. Falling in love is a great feeling, but when you wake up with a ring on your finger, you don’t want to find yourself in trouble because you didn’t do your homework.