The Light

I actually posted an album of the photo shoot I did on Facebook and it's only open to my friends. I am overwhelmed with the response I have received!

I will share some photos here soon. And it's really weird, I started questioning myself why did I do such a thing? What was I trying to prove? What was my intention? Am I setting myself up for failure by sharing to the world this is what I have achieved and so let's see how far I'll make it? 

So I text Clovis and he said, "No you're not setting yourself up for failure. You are looking to go to the higher, next level of self. Just need getting used to. You are doing great. Just BE and stop thinking. Hugs"

And he followed up with a phone call today (so sweet!) He said, not to be afraid of "the light" within me. The pain-body (please read Eckhart Tolle "A New Earth" to understand this concept) would like for me to continue being in pain and therefore, doing it's best to convince me that losing weight is not a good thing. Somewhere in my psyche has told me over the years I have been growing up that there is a benefit to being overweight. Something had triggered the eating, the weight gain and that it is important to identify what was the trigger so that I can acknowledge it and then let it go. He also mentioned that in this position, it is important to practice affirmations so that I condition my mind to accept what I see in the mirror. 

I must admit, while he was saying all this to me, I felt really uncomfortable but I knew what he was trying to tell me. It wasn't really me that was feeling uncomfortable, it was just my ego - Ms. Pain-Body. I totally understand what I need to go through. And in order for me to accept "the light" in totality of who I am, then this is the process.

By sheer coincidence, the Universe was obviously trying to drive this message into me. I received a phone call from Lee all the way from Kuching. And I repeated to him how I felt and actually I felt like crying. Weird. It's as if I'm denying myself from feeling good about myself. He said the same thing Clovis said, "Don't be afraid of the light..."

So I felt inspired to dig out one of Linda's favourite poems by Marianne Williamson which is a GREAT reminder for me to accept "the light" that radiates so brightly from within me and to acknowledge this is who I am and who I deserve to be!

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. 

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. 

It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. 

We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? 

Actually, who are you not to be? 

You are a child of God. 

Your playing small does not serve the world. 

There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. 

We are all meant to shine, as children do. 

We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.

 It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. 

And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. 

As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

This inspiring quote by Marianne Williamson is from her book, A Return To Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles, Harper Collins, 1992. From Chapter 7, Section 3 (Pg. 190-191).

Does it feel "Shri" to you?

Photo Insert: Courtesy of Asia One

I attended a yoga workshop today by Jac Fang and she shared with us Anusara yoga which she had learned from her immersion in Bali not too long ago. I really enjoy having Jac as my (if possession was ever at all possible!) yoga teacher because she has helped me believe in my body's capabilities and I will be one of those who will burn that myth into the ground about fat people not being flexible. Your flexibility as I discovered has nothing to do with your shape or size. I am pretty flexible that I can touch the ground with my hands and it will not hurt the back of my legs as I stretch bending forward.

For me, yoga is a practice whereby it helps raise awareness to our bodies. Every single move and pose in which we position our bodies into has a purpose. Just as every type of food we eat has a purpose too and being on this programme helps bring awareness to your body and what you put inside to fuel it.

What I discovered in today's workshop was how to engage our muscles fully in order to completely experience how powerful the body really is. I could feel my muscles really working its best and although it felt awkward in the beginning in doing some of the moves, I could see improvements in the way I did lunges, the plank, downward dog and also the cobra pose. Even standing up with my arms stretched up to the sky felt different today. It was as if I was truly surrendering myself to what the universe has to offer. And I always remember that in life, we must embrace the good and the bad for how we can appreciate the good if we do not know what the bad feels like or looks like. Engaging the muscles I relate to engaging ourselves in the life that we have. Life is so short to let it slip past us and for us to dwell in thoughts that do not serve us.

What I learned was an important question. "Does it feel 'shri' to you?" Meaning - does it feel comfortable to you? Does it feel good for you? All this time, when I have done yoga I have always wanted to achieve "perfection" but really how do you define perfection and who's definition do you have in the first place? When Jac asked the question, does it feel 'shri' to you? I thought, I do not have to "force" my body into positions in which I am uncomfortable or that my mind tells me that I am less than. It is about doing what is best for me without judgement and comparison to others and making sure I enjoy the process as I go along. After all, life is meant to be made up of discoveries!

I link this to the weight loss adventure I am currently on. I ask myself, does it feel 'shri' for me? And so far, after a week into it, I would give a resounding YES! I feel a lot lighter, some of my clothes are not as tight as before and even though it is the fasting month, I do have a good level of energy in the morning. I really am beginning to feel the 'shri-ness' of doing this. And while I smell food on the dinner table of things I cannot eat (I will literally pick up the bowl and bring it to my nose!) and comment that they look really tasty, I do not regret embarking on this adventure at all!

Just as with yoga, everything that we do requires constant practice and always remembering to take action. So I hope in the next few days to engage my muscles in the privacy of my own bedroom and feel how 'shri' it is doing these poses. I take comfort in knowing that I am taking steps everyday to create a better body and a better life for me.

Thank you Jac for today's workshop. And thank you for always being a caring, compassionate, passionate and empowering teacher.