Re-Commit: Phase 1 Part 2

I have been on a 7 month “holiday” from Phase 1. How do you define a holiday while on this adventure? It means you:

1.       Let loose and have many mad moments OR

2.       Sort of follow the eating plan throughout the week and allow for little “treats” on the side OR

3.       Follow the eating plan Monday to Friday and then when it hits the weekend, you let loose and have many mad moments.

I think mine was a combination of all 3! I became aware I was going through a very familiar pattern of mine which was that of START and STOP. I was struggling to START and when I did START, I then STOPPED not long after, then I had to RE-START and the pattern would go on and on. I admit that when I made the choice to allow myself to eat this and that, I have now found it difficult to really stick to my guns. As a result of the choices I made after Hari Raya, I have put on weight and as of Monday 4 October 2010, my weight came in at 89.1kg.

I admit I went through a period of self-loathing because I was not disciplined as I have been before which was then salvaged with thoughts and reminders of me that I have come so far, how could I not like myself for what I have done? Then I had feelings of fear. I felt fearful about going back to the weight I had started with when I began this adventure. I had fear about being that big, fat girl again who struggled each time she climbed up the stairs or the seat was too small. That was salvaged with reminders from friends that it was up to me to not make that happen again and keep on staying motivated.

On Sunday night, after my last open house for Hari Raya and after a weekend of enjoying delicious food while on a short trip in Kuala Lumpur, I had decided enough was enough. It was time to get serious again. I could visualize me being 10kg lighter but there’s no point visualizing if I didn’t take any action. I am very proud of myself that my decision to re-commit to Phase 1 was not based on fear. It was based on the belief in me that I am capable of achieving my goal and that I deserve this beautiful and healthy body.

Come Monday morning, I was ready once again. I feel so proud of myself for saying NO to the offerings that have come my way. And I feel extremely encouraged now 3 days into my re-commitment my weight has come down from 89.1kg to now 86.6kg. I am back on track!

To all of you out there - my pillars of strength: Thank you once again for the never ending support and encouragement.