Dear People Who Don't Close the Door While They Change Their Clothes

I think she's talking about me! hehe!

http://thxthxthx.com/

Hope, Faith & Love

Shared by my beautiful friend Diwi on Facebook. I just needed to keep this message somewhere for me too... xoxox

Tidak, jodoh tiada ada berkaitan dengan keturunan.

Hanya belum sampai masanya.

Ia bagai menanti jambatan untuk ke seberang.

Kalau panjang jambatannya jauhlah perjalanan kita.

Ada org jodohnya cepat sebab jambatannya singkat.

 

Usia 25 tahun rasanya belumlah terlalu lewat.

Dan usia 35 tahun belum apa-apa kalau sepanjang usia itu telah digunakan untuk membina kecemerlangan.

Nyatakanlah perasaan dan keinginan anda itu dalam doa-doa lewat sembahyang.

Allah mendengar.

 

Wanita baik untuk lelaki yang baik, sebaliknya wanita jahat untuk lelaki yang jahat.

Biar lambat jodoh asalkan mendapat Mr Right dan biar seorang diri daripada menjadi mangsa lelaki yang tidak beriman kemudian nanti.

Memang kita mudah ter silap mentafsir kehidupan ini.

Kita selalu sangka, aku pasti bahagia kalau mendapat ini.

Hakikatnya, apabila kita benar-benar mendapat apa yang kita inginkan itu, ia juga datang bersama masalah.

 

Kita selalu melihat orang memandu kereta mewah dan terdetiklah di hati kita, bahagianya orang itu.

Hakikatnya apabila kita sendiri telah memiliki kereta mewah kita ditimpa pelbagai kerenah.

Tidak mustahil pula orang yang memandu kereta mewah (walaupun sebenarnya tak mewah) terpaksa membayar lebih tatkala berhenti untuk membeli durian di tepi jalan.

Orang lain membeli dengan harga biasa, dia terpaksa membayar berlipat ganda.

 

Ketika anda terperangkap dalam kesesakan jalan raya, motosikal mencelah-celah hingga mampu berada jauh di hadapan.

Anda pun mengeluh, alangkah baiknya kalau aku hanya menunggang sebuah motosikal seperti itu dan cepat sampai ke tempat yang dituju.

Padahal si penunggang motosikal mungkin sedang memikirkan bilakah dia akan memandu kereta di tengah-tengah bandar raya.

 

Bukan semua yang anda sangka membahagiakan itu benar-benar membahagiakan. 

Bahagianya mungkin ada tapi deritanya juga datang sama.

Semua benda, pasti ada baik buruknya.

Demikian juga perkahwinan.

 

Ia baik sebab ia dibenarkan oleh agama, sunnah Nabi, sebagai saluran yang betul untuk melepaskan shahwat di samping membina sahsiah dan sebagainya,

Tapi ia juga buruk sebab ramai org yang berkahwin hidupnya semakin tidak terurus.

Ramai orang menempah neraka sebaik sahaja melangkahkan kaki ke alam berumahtangga.

 

Bukankah dengan ijab dan kabul selain menghalalkan hubungan kelamin, tanggungjawab yang terpaksa dipikul juga turut banyak?

Bukankah apabila anda gagal melaksanakannya, anda membina dosa seterusnya jambatan ke neraka?

Berapa ramaikah yang menyesali perkahwinan masing2-masing padahal dahulunya mereka bermati-matian membina janji, memupuk cinta kasih malah ada yang sanggup berkorban apa sahaja asalkan segala impian menjadi nyata?

 

Jika tidak sanggup untuk bergelar isteri atau suami tidak usah berkahwin dulu.

Jika merasakan diri belum cukup ilmu untuk bergelar ibu ataupun ayah, belajarlah dulu.

Jika rasa-rasa belum bersedia untuk bersabar dengan kerenah anak-anak, carilah dulu kesabaran itu.

Jangan berkahwin dahulu sebab kenyataannya ramai yang tidak bersedia untuk melangkah tetapi telah melompat, akhirnya jatuh terjerumus dan tidak jumpa akar berpaut tatkala cuba mendaki naik.

 

Berkahwin itu indah dan nikmat bagi yang benar-benar mengerti tuntutannya.

Berkahwin itu menjanjikan pahala tidak putus-putus bagi yang menjadikannya gelanggang untuk mengukuhkan iman, mencintai Tuhan dan menjadikan syurga sebagai matlamat.

Berkahwin itu sempadan dari ketidaksempurnaan insan kepada kesempurnaan insan - bagi yang mengetahui rahsia-rahsianya.

Berkahwinlah anda demi Tuhan dan Nabi-Nya, bukan berkahwin kerana perasaan dan mengikut kebiasaan.

 

Jodoh usah terlalu dirisaukan, tiba masanya ia akan datang menjemput, namun perlu juga anda membuka lorong-lorongnya agar jemputan itu mudah sampai dan tidak terhalang

 

Cinta yang disemadikan tidak mungkin layu selagi adanya imbaskembali.

Hati yang remuk kembali kukuh selagi ketenangan dikecapi.

Jiwa yang pasrah bertukar haluan selagi esok masih ada.

Parut yang lama pastikan sembuh selagi iman terselit didada

 

"Kadang-kadang Allah sembunyikan matahari, Dia datangkan petir dan kilat, Kita menangis dan bertertanya-tanya, kemana hilangnya sinar? Rupa-rupanya Allah nak hadiahkan kita pelangi..."

Have Faith in Allah, 
Have Hope in Dreams,
Have Love in Life

Re-Commit: Phase 1 Part 2

I have been on a 7 month “holiday” from Phase 1. How do you define a holiday while on this adventure? It means you:

1.       Let loose and have many mad moments OR

2.       Sort of follow the eating plan throughout the week and allow for little “treats” on the side OR

3.       Follow the eating plan Monday to Friday and then when it hits the weekend, you let loose and have many mad moments.

I think mine was a combination of all 3! I became aware I was going through a very familiar pattern of mine which was that of START and STOP. I was struggling to START and when I did START, I then STOPPED not long after, then I had to RE-START and the pattern would go on and on. I admit that when I made the choice to allow myself to eat this and that, I have now found it difficult to really stick to my guns. As a result of the choices I made after Hari Raya, I have put on weight and as of Monday 4 October 2010, my weight came in at 89.1kg.

I admit I went through a period of self-loathing because I was not disciplined as I have been before which was then salvaged with thoughts and reminders of me that I have come so far, how could I not like myself for what I have done? Then I had feelings of fear. I felt fearful about going back to the weight I had started with when I began this adventure. I had fear about being that big, fat girl again who struggled each time she climbed up the stairs or the seat was too small. That was salvaged with reminders from friends that it was up to me to not make that happen again and keep on staying motivated.

On Sunday night, after my last open house for Hari Raya and after a weekend of enjoying delicious food while on a short trip in Kuala Lumpur, I had decided enough was enough. It was time to get serious again. I could visualize me being 10kg lighter but there’s no point visualizing if I didn’t take any action. I am very proud of myself that my decision to re-commit to Phase 1 was not based on fear. It was based on the belief in me that I am capable of achieving my goal and that I deserve this beautiful and healthy body.

Come Monday morning, I was ready once again. I feel so proud of myself for saying NO to the offerings that have come my way. And I feel extremely encouraged now 3 days into my re-commitment my weight has come down from 89.1kg to now 86.6kg. I am back on track!

To all of you out there - my pillars of strength: Thank you once again for the never ending support and encouragement.

Recognition

In May, a big group of us from Brunei went to the District 51 Toastmasters Annual Convention that was held in Miri, Malaysia. I have been to a number of Toastmasters conventions over the past number of years I have been a Toastmaster and the best part about attending these conventions consistently is meeting the same people at least twice, three and even four times a year! Even though the conversations are mostly brief, at least there is that moment of connection and because we are there for the same reasons, at least on the surface level, as Toastmasters we all unite together and are one big family.

I made my “appearance” on Friday night for the Welcome Night. I sat at the back of the hall with my Mummy and wandered around looking for familiar Toastmasters. Needless to say, most of them COULD NOT recognize me and had to do a double take! The obvious changes were that I was wearing contact lenses and I was not wearing my tudung (headscarf). I got complimented left and right to which I can only graciously say thank you to their sincere comments. It was a lot of fun having people “guess” who I was and most of them recognized me only when I spoke.

I sat down in front of Gerald Green, DTM, the man who made Toastmasters happen in our part of the world and he almost fell of his chair when I “re-introduced” myself! I was honoured because he introduced me to the VIP table and I got to meet the past International President Johnny Uyy!

The next day, Papa Gerald (as they fondly call him) delivered a keynote speech and I had the shock of my life when he asked me to stand! He described, “This girl last year, I could not put my arms around her, but last night after I met her, I was so shocked to see how much she has slimmed down. Rozana where are you?” I shrank in my chair before people started pointing in my direction and I stood up in a room which was occupied by 500 people! I honestly didn’t know how to feel. I didn’t feel proud of my achievement. I felt embarrassed!

What I didn’t know there and then was that my Mummy starting crying until she told me after the convention. She said for her, she felt so proud for me to be recognized in front of such a large crowd to acknowledge how hard I have worked to get to where I was. After knowing this, I didn’t realize how much an impact I have really made and how anyone can be an inspiration because in this world we are all looking to be inspired, to find that spark that makes it all worthwhile in our endeavours to create our better selves.

The “before” and “after” photo below is a testament to being an inspiration. Siti Intan, a good friend and work colleague began her own weight loss adventure by making simple changes to her diet and she has successfully lost 15kg! It proves to show with determination and discipline ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE! We are all beacons of light continuously leading others out of the darkness and into the realm of possibility.

Me, Papa Gerald Green & Siti Intan - Kuching, April 2009

 

Ley Hian, Me & Siti Intan - Miri, May 2010

 

Congratulations Siti Intan on your achievement!

You are my inspiration as much as I am yours!

 

My Date with Mio Ting

Mio Ting was in Brunei a few months ago in July to pay a visit and I took the opportunity to have a date with her. Apparently after 4 years of knowing each other, we never have had our personal time together where it's just the two of us! I really enjoyed our very long lunch together where it just so happened all my afternoon music classes got cancelled!

I shared with her how I would like to go on to phase 2 but at the same time I was feeling guilty that I was not doing so well on phase 1 of the programme. I think in some sense, now on hindsight, I was beating myself up for the fact that I was not as disciplined as before. I was judging myself because I was afraid other people would judge me that I was once their source of inspiration and because I have faltered, does that mean I would be more a disappointment than an inspiration?

Even though those thoughts during those few hours were not verbalised, I really appreciated Mio Ting's input on helping me understand the importance of following the food plan that has been set and how it is there to really help me provided I would want to help myself. I looked back at my notebook and these are some of the things she shared with me:

If I love myself, I would not feed myself with something that would hurt me. Very often we think that this is the way we love ourselves, by "indulging" in the things that hurt us. It will take 48 hours for the poison in our body to subside. This poison is how we react to the food and the reaction is a result of our body trying to protect our organs. For me, how it shows up is sudden sleepiness, feeling bloated and of course, no weight loss.

And this line, really got me the most...

It's not that you can't do it (i.e. not that I can't lose another 10, 15 or 20kg), it's whether I want to do it or not.

As Linda Chandler had said before, "If you can't, you won't and if you can, you will."

So I am grateful I had that time with her and how the message is coming back to me now this very day. I am making certain resolutions. And I know I've said it before, but the resolve is coming back and I'm really meaning it this time. I'm going to go that extra mile and I know I CAN do it because I CHOOSE to do it!

Here's a "before" and "after" photo of Mio Ting and I. Please take note in the "before" photo, Mio Ting had already started her adventure and at that point in time I had not yet. I recall that time in Cambodia where I signed the application form and now look at me in the "after" photo after we had our date! I am just so amazed with myself and how my life has changed thanks to me making the choice to embark on this adventure!

Mio Ting & Zana - Cambodia, July 2009

Mio Ting & Zana - Brunei, July 2010
(one year later!)

Catching Up

I sometimes go to a person's blog and they have one of those entries which says, "I apologise that I have not been updating my blog in awhile... etc etc" I am not making a public apology but I would like to say that there have been so many things that have been worth recording here as part of my adventures which I have not been doing so - especially life after so much weight loss.

I realize that when I don't really want to face something, I usually end up not recording it. As if I'm afraid to face myself. It's the same with how I am meant to write in my journal all my awarenesses, choices and magical, meaningful and memorable moments which I started so enthusiastically after attending CV Grad Thailand in July 2010 but now... it's fallen apart again. That "start-stop" pattern has reappeared! It's the ego at play; what Eckhart Tolle speaks in his books A New Earth and The Power of Now called the "Pain-Body".

When you don't want to capture that moment or awareness, you are stopping yourself from growing (and I don't mean that physically horizontally or veritcally!). You stunt your own development of being an AWESOME person who is more than just your habits, who is more than your mind, who is more than what you preceive yourself to be. With awareness, we make choices and it is in these choices that allow us to SOAR even further than ever before!

You will hear from me soon. We have a lot to catch up on.

Moments of Weakness

I had just returned from a weekend in Kota Kinabalu attending the Kota Kinabalu Toastmasters Club Installation Banquet. It was certainly a fantastic weekend! I stayed at Jasmine's house and her house was BEAUTIFUL! And while staying at Jasmine's, I was really well taken care of. The bed was comfortable, the house was so inviting, everyone was so pleasant and her parents were wonderful hosts! I really felt like I was at home.

I was treated to a delicacy of mouth watering food which was laced with tradition. Everyone was aware I was on a "diet" yet I made the choice to eat the food. And I sampled almost everything! 

Snacks after rehearsals

I felt very full at almost every meal and I am sure now the food is having an effect on this body as I sit here in my room typing this entry. I found out from Mio Ting, it takes 48 hours for the body to eliminate all the toxins we have introduced into our system and as part of the defense mechanism to protect the body's organs, the body will react and respond in ways such as feeling bloated, feeling sleepy, feeling tired, water retention etc... I feel giddy right now and I'm not too sure if that's the result of yummy food which is a few seconds on the lips and the fulfillment of taste buds to 48 hours of having to cleanse the system again or I feel this way because I'm developing a fever.

As I write this particular entry, there was one part of me that actually said, "I had a moment of weakness, where I just had to try everything!" As I heard that voice in my head, I realized that I did not have a moment of weakness. Those were all CHOICES I had made. Just because I made them did not make me a "weak" person. I made those choices. I am not blaming anyone. Statement of fact. Now what goes along with the choices I have had made is, I am responsible for the CONSEQUENCES of my action.

48 hours of a bloated tummy and feeling giddy reminds me I am human and that I am RESPONSIBLE for my own choices.